Grading Billboard’s Top Ten Hot Holiday Songs (via Grantland)

1. Mariah Carey, “All I Want For Christmas Is You”

Nobody owns the “festive” holiday season like the queen of Claus, the voice of the universe’s mysteries, the great and venerable Mariah Carey herself. This song is a lifetime classic because it rulezzzzz. It’s one of the only Christmas songs I can stand to hear out of season because it is foremost well-crafted and catchy, and only secondarily a nutmeg-spiced holiday jam. Mariah flips the Phil Spector holiday album on its back and touches its body in her red velvet white marabou-trimmed bodysuit. It reminds me of Revlon’s famous ad campaign for Cherries In The Snow and other abstract desires.

Grade: A+ infinity

Truer words have never been spoken. The only change i would make would be to give it an A++ infinity grade

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